The sun's been hiding...

The sun has seriously been hiding... and the weather's just been sooooooooo cold, wet and rainy... and the worse thing... NO HEATER!!! I was sooooooo cold last night I couldn't even sleep properly... -_- *SIGH* I want the sun in sg PLEASE... really looking forward to bask in the nice warm sun in sg in 25days time!!! But for now... let me study in my v v v v cold room...

Madeleine McCann

No idea why I am blogging abt this (as in this is not the first time something similar has happened) but somehow.. since I last heard abt the disappearance of this 4 year old toddler abt 3 weeks ago... I can't help but feeling a sense of melancholy and pensiveness each time I think about it... and today I just happened to read abt it again on some online newspprs... and yes... it's been THREE WEEKS!!! I can't imagine how distraught her parents must be... not even knowing whether their beautiful daughter is still alive... not knowing whether they still can even hang on to the hope that she is... this must be soooooooo painful... And if that poor girl is still living somewhere out there... it must have been living hell for her... I can't even fathom the sense of lost and fear that is probably just devouring her up... and to think that she only 4 years old... =( *sobz* Why does she have to go through this? =( *sigh* Yea... ok I'm just blabbering here but somehow this incident has really been rather heart wrenching for me... no idea why it is this particular case but it is... and it really is painful just thinking abt it... =(

Oh well... I guess I can only pray for her... and her family...

I'm sorry.

Ever been in a situation when u thought u were doing just fine for quite a while... thinking that u have been doing what you shud be doing very well... and then only to realise suddenly that you've seriously been failing very terribly and hurting someone without even noticing... and that things have seem smooth cuz that someone has been covering up for u and taking the brunt of ur carelessness and insensitivity...

It sure doesn't feel good. I'm sorry.

Nutty MSN conversations

Been chatting with my cousin, Bernie, quite a bit on MSN recently... and my... our conversations are always so nutty and hilarious... we listen to each other rant abt this and that...and somehow we always end up w some lame joke or silly conclusions... heh.. it's been really funny listening to her talk abt Mike... hahahaha... they are the funniest couple ever!!! These conversations have really kept me entertained over the past few days as I've been trying to study... been rather unproductive tho... sigh.. I am distracted by a gazillion things... -_- I need more FOCUS!!!

But anyway, thanx my dear Bernie!!! You brigthen up my day!!! Hahaha... Can't wait to go back to sg to shop w you!!! =) Remember not to shop until u go broke BEFORE I get back ok!!! And don't forget my dark choc apricots too!!! Hahaha.... and here's us looking nutty together... hahaha...

Random thoughts.. really random...

Was just having some random thoughts running through my mind today... and I mean really random... so be warned and read at ur own peril...

Was wondering whether I've been trying to live in a way that pple expect me to... as in... being caught up with trying to live up to the standards and expectations of pple ard me... and if so... is it necessarily wrong? On one hand... pple close to u like ur parents, good friends, church friends and leaders etc etc have certain standards that they impose on you (whether consciously or unconsciously) which are really for ur own good.. and they kinda steer u to obey God and His commandments as well... n this kinda makes u 'behave' cuz u noe u hafta be accountable to them... but on the other hand... just cuz the 'whole' world says it is 'not right' doesn't make it not right... and is worrying too much abt what others say hindering you from doing what you really want? But then again... if what u desire isn't in sync with God's plan... should you be doing it at all? And then again... there are many things that God doesn't explicitly say in the Bible to do or not to do... n in such cases, u do have to rely on hearing from Him thru the Holy Spirit as well as thru ur spiritual brothers and sisters... so what? To conform or not to? It's quite a dilemma ain't it? At least it is to me...

Then I was thinking abt whether you will still be you when you start doing things that are kinda against against all (ok maybe not ALL but some impt ones) ur ideals and beliefs... it is not exactly wrong is it? It is just starting to look at things from a different perspective... starting to realise that there is more than one way in approaching something... but the qn is are you still you? And if there's really a change... is the change bad? It doesn't have to be right? I mean as long as u dun start turning against all ur fundamental religious beliefs and day to day moral principles... well... I guess at the moment, my conclusion is that as long as ur heart is still right with God and you are still seeking His righteousness and longing to be in His Kingdom... then changes can be for the better... =)

N then today... my dear cousin Bernie showed me a dress from Victoria's Secret... and now I am seriously considering whether to buy it or not.. it is US$49 tho... n it's just a casual dress... but Bernie is getting it too.. so cool if we wear it together!!!

Am also thinking abt what I am gng to do after I graduate from NUS.. ok.. dunno why the sudden thought... it's still a year (or is it ONLY a year) away... but I have no idea... I should really get down to seeking God's will in this.. I mean... I've talked to God abt it... consulted my parents and sis abit... but yea... I haven't committed it to the Lord!!! Joanne!!! It took you quite a while to notice that!!!

And there was I also asking myself whether I really wanna go back to sg... I mean... I want to be with everyone back in sg... everything is so familiar and comfy there... but at the same time... I dread NUS... and also.. I am gonna miss life here... gonna miss many things and pple here... I can imagine... when sept comes and all the pple i've been seeing ard me for the past 9months will be flying back here.... it's gonna be rather painful... *sigh* but then again... I miss my dears!!! and my family and church... arrgghh... another dilemma for me... but ok la.. this one I dun really hafta make a 'decision'.... it will come no matter what.. so I just hafta treasure the last 40days I have left here...

Oh and yesh.. not forgetting... I still haven't come to a conclusion as to whether I should disciple Jaime when I go back... I mean... Jaime is probably the best person I can think of in the whole of Galilee for me to start passing on what Sis Charissa has lovingly and patiently passed on to me during the course of our discipleship before I came to London... And I know that it is what Jesus commanded in Matthew 28:19-20:

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

And yesh... I do see His promise to be with me as I do so... but I've got a gazillion uncertainties... am I spiritually equipped and ready to do it? Are there issues in my life that needs to be settled first? Will I be a good discipler? What if I fail? It's not just abt me... it's abt Jaime's walk with God as well... and there are other silly concerns like will I have the time considering I am gonna be FYPing away from july to dec? Will I remain committed? And then as I think of all these... I remember God's goodness and how He has never failed me... and I ask myself... where is ur faith Joanne?!?!?!? It's not abt believing in me.. it's abt believing in Him and His power to see me thru... why am I so burdened by all this doubts? But knowing this in my head doesn't translate to feeling it in my heart... Sis Charissa knows this best... the longest dist that ever exist is the dist between my head and my heart!!! Sigh... so I am still struggling with this still... am I running away from God's command or is the Holy Spirit really telling me that I am really not suitable at the moment... Am I making excuses for myself? At times like this I really wish my Heavenly Father would just shout out what to do in my face... but then again... maybe not... cuz the feeling of being reassured by Him through His Word, the Holy Spirit and fellow bros and sis in Christ is far better... Am longing for such certainty now... Have experienced it before in the past and I really long for it now... I hafta be patient I guess... yesh... patience and constant seeking of the Lord...

okok... sheesh.. I think I have seriously been babbling like nobody's business... if u're reading this n have faithfully read till here... then thanx... =) If not... I would understand... it's not exactly the most fun thing reading pple's v v v v random thoughts...

Rainy rainy weather...

It's been so rainy these days it's really dreary... sigh... n cold too... but then again.. the week hasn't been that bad... =) I went to visit Yiling in Bath... this is my 2nd trip up there so I didn't do anything 'touristy' this time.. besides.. poor Yiling had like a gazillion things to do.. projs n exam revision (it was her study break week...) so I couldn't make her entertain me much either.. she did her best to accomodate me liao n I am really thankful.. =) we visited her Uni, went running.. shopped a LITTLE... cooked n pigged out on LOADS of food.. haha.. but most imptly I shared something impt w her and she is prob the only other person I can trust to support me in this now... so I really thank God for her!!! =) Love u loadz dearie!!! =)

Anyway.. on the first day I reached Bath, we went to Sally Lunn's for tea... hahaha.. (and we still ate alot of dinner after that!!!) and... there were 5 girls.. Yiling, Zhenhui n Lifang (all in Bath Uni for exchange), Jeanette (she was there to visit Zhenhui n tour ard) and me.. and I noticed something really interesting... Zhenhui was from the same Primary sch as me (Kellock), Yiling from the same sec sch (MGS), Jeanette from the same JC (RJ) and Lifang from the same uni (NUS)!!! How cool is that? Hahahah... yea... here are some pics we took... this first one was before Lifang arrived.. so that's (from left to right) Zhenhui, me, Yiling and Jeanette.

And then... Lifang came along... and so that's her between Zhenhui and me... oh and btw, these grp shots are all taken by Jeanette!!! Her self photo taking skills are super zai!!!
Pictures of the yummy buns we had...

Then we had dinner at TGIF that night... and this is Chuanyao looking silly... haha...

And another grp shot by Jeanette...
Me in Yiling's uni's com lab... we were studying!!! And I was wearing her boots cuz it was so rainy and wet that day!!!
And this? A baby stool we saw in the display window of one the shops we passed by on our brief shopping trip... =) so cute!!!

Yepz.. oh n yes... this is rather random but I was in the laundry room today and this Brit came in and dumped his clothes into the washing machine.. then he asked me... 'Hmmm... do u know how long it will take for the washing to be done?' Well.. I replied him abt an hr... but then I was seriously wondering... hmmm... u've stayed in Linstead for 8months.. have u never done ur laundry b4? But o well... yea.. that was really random.. haha

Well... anyway.. I really hope the weather improves soon... it's been cold and wet and no heater in my room... and the inertia to start studying is rather overwhelming too... o well.. but... other than that.. the past 2 weeks have been really great... =) so I am not gonna whine anymore... should just be thankful for all that's happened. =)

Ok.. I think I need to hit the books again... -_-

静静的

空气里躲着什么

有点浪漫的心动
我偷偷看你

你也偷偷看我

世界上多了什么
好像变得很不同
站在你身边
这一切都好宽阔

我还在等着你
静静的爱我
只要有你陪我
静静的就足够

你也在等着我
静静的温柔
就这样手牵手
静静的看着天空

心里面藏着什么?

你只想要让我懂

原来我的梦

也就是你的梦

纸条上写了什么
我好想要听你说
让字字句句
充满我们的笑容

我还在等着你
静静的爱我
只要有你陪我
静静的就足够

你也在等着我
静静的温柔
就这样手牵手
静静的看着天空

永远要记得那天彼此许下的承诺
瞬间点亮的火花
是我们的拥有

我还在等着你
静静的爱我
只要有你陪我
静静的就足够

你也在等着我
静静的温柔
就这样手牵手
静静的看着天空

静静的手牵手
是最简单的梦

That's a song that I recently heard... it's soooo sweet.... =) really like it....

And this is my first post with a chinese title too. =) (achievement!!! though I just cut and pasted the whole thing... at least I understand what I post that's for sure... =)

NUS is looming near...

Been a while since I last blogged... been having exams (and still have one tmr then I get a month off before the last 3... =)) Anyway, thank God for seeing my through the past 3 pprs that I have taken this sem so far... I mean they weren't exactly great but I think I should be able to get my required C grade at least (i hope...)

Anyway, the fact that gng back to NUS is drawing rather near is kinda just getting at me more and more as the days go by... it's really been a while since I was last there actually... and today as I was trying to login to one of the NUS websites I realized that I had almost forgotten my username and password... the 'domain\userid' format especially... I initially forgot all abt the domain... then after that I tried a '/' instead of '\'... finally managed to login in after several failed attempts... fortunately they didn't lock me out... heh... and oh yesh... FYP starts on 2nd July... (a whole month before actual NUS sch term starts... sooooo unbelievably ridiculous!!!) and will span all the way till 31st Dec (which is also gonna be almost a month after the NUS term ends!!!)... sigh... Joanne doesn't wanna do FYP... =( o well... no point whining I guess cuz I'll still have to get through it somehow and I know God will carry me through like He has always faithfully done so over the past 22 years... but just needed to air my frustrations a little.. heh.. so no better place than my blog... heh....

Ok... nuff of whining.. back to work... exam tmr.. a gazillion equations to memorise and they won't seem to get into my head... or rather they go in and come out instantaneously... -_-